Resides as a driving force
Pushed by their requests
This simple question is really a multitude of queries all rolled into one. Do I care enough about my stutter to spend the time and effort on therapy? Do the struggles I have with producing speech negatively affect my life enough to spend the time and effort? Do I honestly believe that any type of therapy will produce an outcome that is improved enough from how my speech currently is to allow me to be happy with it? If I believe that, do I honestly believe that I possess the gumption and motivation to do the type of therapy I’ll need to do to achieve that end? Yeah, these questions ain’t all gettin’ answered tonight.
Stuttering certainly does negatively affect my life. It causes me extreme frustrations at times. It makes me think about and notice my speech every time I talk. I dwell on it prior to, during, and after speaking. I feel good when I don’t struggle and not so good when I do (“not so good” can vary from “not a big deal” to “super duper shitty”, depending on who I’m talking to, what the situation is, how bad my tension is, etc). That being said - Has my speech problem held me back in life? In the grand scheme of things, no, I don’t think so, but on the small scale it has because there are times I don’t say everything I want to say or cut myself short because it’s easier than fighting. Well, I think that sort of answers one of the questions.
The bottom line right now is this: I like going to my speech therapy. I’m not always sure that what I’m doing is going to have any positive, long term effects, but I’m not sure that it won’t, so I’m fine with it.
2 comments:
Do you think that stuttering has had any positive effects on your life? You are a great writer and a reader. Do you think that your difficulties with spoken communication laid the foundation for your acumen with all things involving written communication? Do you think you would have gone into computers as a career field if you had not stuttered?
I guess what I am saying is I think your a great guy, a fantastic father, and you seem to be a good husband. And part of that package is the stuttering. I wonder who you would be now if you had never had difficulties with speaking. I think there is a good chance you would have evolved into someone not as interesting, insightful, or quirky.
I understand the desire to use therapy to "become a better person" but I think therapy is also good for learning to appreciate yourself as is.
I'll take the praise and hold it close, whether it's all earned or not (I had to look up "acumen" to make sure it meant what I thought it did). If I ever need an ego boost, I know where to look. Thank you!
You asked some great questions and made some thoughtful analysis, both of which I'll have to write a post about at some point. That's exactly the type of thing I was really hoping I would see here. Thanks for that too.
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